Make the antlers. Carefully break the pretzels into antler-ish shapes. They do not have to match perfectly. Actual reindeer aren't out there measuring theirs with a ruler, either. You'll need two pieces for each cookie.

Get the cookies ready. Arrange the Milano cookies on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Put them face-down for now since we're attaching the antlers to the back first.

Melt the white chocolate. Microwave the white chocolate chips in 30-second intervals, stirring well after each one, until melted and smooth. Spoon it into a piping bag fitted with a small tip. No piping bag? A zip-top bag with the tiniest corner snipped off works just fine.

Give them antlers. Pipe two dots of melted white chocolate near the top of each cookie and press a pretzel antler into each one. Add a little extra chocolate around the pretzels if they need more support. It's on the back, so nobody will know. Christmas secrets are still secrets.

Let them set. Leave the cookies alone for about 10 minutes, or until the chocolate is firm and the antlers aren't trying to wander off. Gently flip the cookies over.

Add the eyes. Use tiny dots of melted white chocolate to attach two candy eyes to each reindeer. Googly and slightly unhinged is completely acceptable.

Add the noses. Attach a mini M&M near the bottom of each cookie with another dot of melted chocolate. Use red for Rudolph or brown for the rest of the herd.

Let everything harden. Give your reindeer another 10 to 15 minutes for the chocolate to set completely. This is not the moment to poke them repeatedly to see if they're ready. We both know you're going to, but I've done my duty by warning you.

Serve. That's it. You have a herd of no-bake reindeer cookies and haven't turned on the oven once. Christmas miracle achieved.